Sunday, August 5, 2012

Vacation and Return to Reality

So I've been away for a while, back home in NS. It was fantastic, to the point that I didn't want to come back to the reality of life in Toronto. But I'll get into that in a moment. First an update to what was mentioned in the previous post.

Work did lay me off, which was great, and I have applied for EI. The reason I did this is because I was thinking of taking a program through a college here in the city which is funded through EI and you would have to be on or have been on EI recently to be eligible for it. That plan has been scrapped. I went to the first meeting the other day and realized it is not what I want to be doing for the next ten months. Really great program, but not for me. At least not now.
I have a few other ideas in terms of what to do for money, but for now they will be kept under my hat while I sort them out.
The background agent has been getting me work, a few gigs so far, and they're okay. I mean, it's a lot of hurry up and wait but it pays well and I have time to learn lines while I sit. I have realized I don't want to be doing this for much longer though. It can be soul sucking if you're not careful, especially for someone who wants to actually have lines and be the focus of the camera.
I also came back to a serving job, which is alright, not ideal, but like I said, when you need money... The place is casual and not high end fine dining, which is nice, but it's not at all what I want to be doing and it looks like it's going to be far too hectic in the near future. Yikes! Every shift I have this overwhelming urge to escape before it's too late.

The vacation was wonderful! Just what I needed. I caught up with friends and family, lounged on the beach and did all the great things you get to do while on vacation. Plus made some new friends. I felt loved and whole and not weird and separated like I can in this city. I miss my family. I don't have much family up here and the ones I do have are not close. I didn't want to leave. And when I got back to TO I wondered (for the first time ever!) what I was doing here. Now I know I was coming back to unemployment, and that can affect my perspective greatly, but it shook me a little. I've never questioned the acting thing. Never. And here I am going 'what am I doing here?' Wait, WHAT?!?!? I'm still thinking about it all. It's a lot to take in.
Here's another wrench in the cogs for you too. I have been friends with a guy back home for about seven months now, I met him over Christmas, and I like him. A lot. He's said we live in different cities thousands of kilometers apart. I concur, my heart does not. And over the last seven months we have been corresponding, and my first night back home we had great sparks! And then it just sorta fizzled... I got a lot of hot and cold signals from him and then nothing. And that fucked me up. Big time. More than I expected. Still am fucked up. I'm trying my darnedest to work through it, but as you all know, it's hard when you open yourself up to something like that. Life goes on I guess.

Right now, I'm in the midst of figuring out my next step. I got the whole EI program sorted, which is good, sad that it didn't work out, but at least it's sorted. And I'm waiting to have a couple meetings about my other ideas in the next couple of days. Big life changes are difficult, but they need to happen if you're going to grow and grow I must.


The adventure continues...

3 comments:

Buddy Bear said...

I've been to NS countless times (to visit family.) Beautiful! I so love the ocean!! It's a completely different world than Toronto. I understand your mixed feelings about returning!

Best of luck with all the decisions you'll be making!

Sexy Beast said...

Thanks Buddy Bear.

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